Hi Tori. I found you on Instagram, and I was blown away not just by your talent, but your artistry, creativity, and the ways you use your platform. Can you tell me a little bit about your journey to becoming a makeup artist? Is it something you always wanted to do? Sometimes the process of starting to play with makeup was more about a rite of passage rather than a creative outlet - what was it like for you?

Thank you for the kind words Paige! It means a lot. I think for me, the process of starting to play with makeup wasn’t a rite of passage as much as it was a creative outlet. My parents were always busy working and my grandma was my rock and raised me so it was all about the traditional narrative we see with immigrant families- get good grades, have discipline, and then study some more. As children of immigrant families, most of us were made hyper aware of the sacrifices our parents made to give us a chance at a better life than their own back in their home countries. There was really no time for my mom to teach me about makeup or for me to even openly and comfortably dive in. I did it in my own time anywhere between 1-5AM and got up for school at 7AM, where I would still play with makeup instead of paying attention in class. I was always experimenting with makeup even as a kid. I really started getting into makeup in high school. I went and got my makeup done for prom and the makeup artist used shades and techniques that did not compliment me. Most importantly, I left feeling confused and sad because my friends were happy with their makeup while I looked nothing like myself. I thought my features were to blame. I went home and did my own makeup. It’s safe to say this is why my makeup mantra is to celebrate diversity and empower all. 

Becoming a makeup artist was never a part of my plans. I wanted to be a Pediatrician when I was young. In high school, I hated studying and had no idea what my plans were. I studied film abroad in South Korea only to come back, switch my major twice, and I still had no idea what I was doing. I took a break from school for several reasons and was never interested in going back to accrue debt while I was unsure of what my plans were. One day I decided to take a chance and apply at MAC. After a nerve wracking hiring process, I got the job! Turns out, my dream job wasn’t really what I wanted either, but I learned a lot.

Looking back at it now, my experiences and all my plans that never worked out the way I intended them to play a significant part in where I am standing in my career choice today and who I am as a person. 

Wow, that’s incredible. You worked at MAC before stepping into the freelance world. I’m sure they couldn’t be more different, but how vital was that type of experience for you? For some, having to sell products or create for consumers can limit creativity; did you ever find that true at all, or did you see it more as a challenge to hone your skills?

It doesn’t necessarily limit creativity, but it does drain the motivation that sparks it. Some people are made for retail in the beauty industry, but it’s just not for me. Turning an interest into a job is always a slippery slope; especially when you realize you’re only there to produce numbers for someone else. I was barely able to make ends meet and it wasn’t encouraged to put a second better paying gig ahead of the company. We had two numbers to concentrate on- you had your daily sales goal and your AUS (average unit sold). If you didn’t make your set sales goals, you were taken into an office for a 1:1 meeting where you would then be written up with a warning. And if it continued, you were let go. We were encouraged to sell more than one item for each transaction and if you only sold one product, your AUS would go down. Yup, you read that right. Even if you sold something, if it was just one item, it would affect your numbers. With every full face appointment, a $60 product purchase was required and customers would often come back to return all the products later on- which then brought your sales down. It seems insane to me now, but these are normal requirements in the beauty retail industry. I felt discouraged that I was providing a whole experience plus my skills only to end up back in that office to talk about what I could do to fix my “productivity.” I slowly went from being motivated and posting looks every day onto a then very young Instagram, to dreading picking up a makeup brush within a couple years. Focusing on numbers instead of creating personable experiences and sparking a grain of confidence inside someone really took a toll on me. So much so that I took an almost 5 year hiatus from makeup. However, always with the bad, comes the good. Working at MAC gave me the opportunity to build lasting friendships and learn from other amazing artists and customers from all different walks of life. 

Freelancing is very much different now due to COVID-19, but it’s something that takes so much grit, courage, resilience, and belief in yourself. What was it like building your freelance business, and what advice would you give someone else wanting to become their own boss?

I want it to be understood that what works for me may not necessarily work for someone else. I want to encourage empathy and shed light on the fact that so many people are not even able to think about dropping their current situation and risk everything they have on chance. When basic human needs are not being met, when you’re living to just be able to survive, it is harder to take financial risks on yourself. I am extremely privileged to be in a position that allows a change in my career during a pandemic. Was it still a financial risk? Yes. Does this take away from the hard work and struggle freelancers put into getting where they are? Absolutely not. We just cannot deny the reality. 

In terms of what it was like building my freelance business personally? I’m not going to lie, it was chaos. Like so many others, I went through a lot when COVID-19 took over. I was working as a bartender at five different places before Covid and the true colors of many business owners started to really show from their inability to have compassion, empathy, and sense of responsibility directly through their words and actions- or lack thereof. I didn’t want to go back to an industry that had bosses and managers that were so complicit in having their employees choose between their livelihood or their jobs with little to no assistance. I knew things were bad before the pandemic, but through this, I got to see just how bad it truly was. It was 7 months into the pandemic at that time and it was almost impossible to get in touch with the department of labor to see what was going on with my status. I was going through my savings just for bills. These things helped me reshape my priorities drastically. I wanted to put all my effort into my craft and refocus the quality of my life by connecting with my communities.

At the end of the day, I was tired of working tirelessly day in and day out lining the pockets of people who didn’t care about the basic needs of others. Because let’s be real, people that exploit their employees probably do not give back to their communities either and only look out for their personal interests. I couldn’t tell these people to care more so I changed what I could control; my self worth. I didn’t want to give them more of me and have my contributions go towards greedy people unwilling to support the basic cause of helping others.

Making money while bartending was great, but at what cost? Shortly after realizing I was done with being complacent and silent in all aspects of my life, I got to work and launched my freelance business in August. I still have to work jobs on the side for an extra stream of income when needed, but this time I’ve made it a point to find jobs that contribute to my community. 

My advice would be f*ck that job you hate, know what you bring to the table, get down to the nitty gritty details, prepare to make a lot of sacrifices, and get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Can we also talk about prices? Don’t shrink yourself for the comfort of others or the fear of missing out on a client. Set your standards, set your boundaries, and don’t budge. You may lose some potential clients, but this is an investment you’ve made on yourself. Do not compromise your work and devalue yourself. 

What is a misconception, or something you wish more people knew about freelancing?

Social media will have you thinking you’re not good enough and the way we’ve been taught to rise to success will have you convinced you’re lazy if you’re not spending every waking second on your business productivity.

Take that thought, do yourself a favor, and throw it in the trash. While the business part is crucial in becoming your own boss, nothing is more important than breaking the everyday toxic voices and realities you don’t want to face. Trust your process. Comparing someone’s last chapter to the beginning of your book is a disservice to yourself and your work. Please don’t forget that your journey is your own and you’re allowed to care about your well-being first. Afterall, what good is your business if you aren’t taking care of yourself mentally and physically? I try to work on this every day and still have much more to learn and unlearn about myself. Even though I’m not where I thought I would be at 29, it feels really good to live my truth and be in control of my self worth. I wouldn’t trade that peace of mind for anything.

No two days are alike, and things are a bit different still, but what does a day in your life look like?

A typical day for me starts with getting up at 8AM and if I don’t have a shoot or an appointment that day, I’ll work in intervals until about 5PM. I’ve made a habit of making matcha in the mornings as I noticed it helps me meditate in a way and get my mind prepared for the day. I open up my planner and my emails to confirm what I have going on for the week. I follow up with clients and potential clients. I spend most of my time getting inspired from different artists and learning more about my market and industry. I try to create makeup looks and concepts when I’m home and then I’ll shoot and edit some pictures and short clips. Throughout the day, I like to keep up with current events and relearn history. Typically when my sister yells for me to eat is when I know I’m done for the day. We wind down by watching murder mystery documentaries and then I go to bed before 12AM. 

I’m so inspired by your account and the looks you create, so I have to ask - what inspires you?

Thank you! Many of my friends here in Atlanta are talented artists and I can genuinely say they push me on the daily whether they know it or not. I’m extremely lucky to be surrounded by amazing creatives. I love to seek out artists that are constantly challenging the concept of beauty and breaking societal norms while unapologetically speaking their truth. 

It’s in the dictionary, and you see brands and companies sell their own interpretations of it every day, but to you, what is beauty?

To me, beauty means to feel comfortable in your own skin and to celebrate your imperfections. It’s the combination of everything monotonous to profound, the imperfect and the perfect little details that makes each person wonderfully different. I believe once you begin to accept yourself as you are, you start to radiate your own confidence and that is so empowering. 

Something I’d love to get your thoughts on is the idea of inner versus outer beauty. People place an emphasis on inner beauty first and foremost - and they’re not wrong - but sometimes enhancing your outer beauty, whether through a new lipstick or just the process of getting ready, can give you a confidence boost. Is it really an either/ or situation, or can they be seen as more complementary?

I definitely think they can be seen as more complementary. I think emphasis is placed on inner beauty first because to have inner beauty means to effortlessly radiate outer beauty. But we are all humans and we have our bad days just as much as we have the good ones. I can’t tell you how many times I would just get ready because I was feeling a little extra insecure one day and it helped me feel better. I don’t see anything wrong with giving yourself a little confidence boost, but I think it’s important to realize those things do not measure my inner beauty when I’m without those outer beauty enhancers whether it be makeup, fashion, hair, etc.  

Through what you do, you also help others to embrace and celebrate diversity, something you’re passionate about. People can sometimes grow up feeling uncomfortable in their own skin because of a lack of representation - in the toys they play with, in the media, or even in their neighborhoods. How did you grow to be comfortable in your skin, and why is it so important for you to help others embrace what makes them unique as well?

This is a complicated question for me as I’m still learning to be comfortable in my own skin in regard to my identity and that has a lot to do with the lack of representation of Asian Americans when I was growing up. As a child and young adult, sometimes it’s hard to understand the type of effects the lack of representation poses until you’re a grown adult struggling with being truly comfortable in literally, your own skin. Going back to my prom makeup story, I often wonder what it would have been like if I had a different experience. I wonder what a difference it would have made if she had taken it upon herself to learn how to compliment different features with the same makeup trends used on the features she was used to catering to. This is why it is so important for me to make sure that I am educated and prepared so that I can leave a positive, lasting impression. It is imperative for me to show that different makeup trends can work for absolutely anyone and everyone. I’ve learned that when you take the effort into learning about your neighbor, you receive tenfold back. The stories and life experiences my clients share with me helps me gain perspective and I am better able to customize makeup looks that do not erase or take away from who they are as a person. 

You specifically advocate for anti-racism in the Asian American community, which is incredible. Can you tell me a little bit more about that?

The pandemic has easily opened my eyes to racism and how it affects all facets of our society. There was a heavy uptick in Asian hate crimes when the Coronavirus started spreading around the U.S. I’m Korean-American and I have dealt with the stereotypical microaggressions my whole life, but this was the first time I genuinely feared for my life.. After the first time a racist insult was hurled at me at the beginning of the pandemic, I started to have anxiety attacks in the car before entering a grocery store, I became hyper aware of the stares I was getting, I would get paranoid when people would walk away or make it known to stay far apart from me, I thought about if it was even worth it/safe to leave my apartment. I got a taste of a GLIMPSE into what Black people today, and their ancestors before them face every single day. 

I wondered why no one was speaking up for us. Why wasn’t anyone paying attention? Why weren’t the hate crimes hitting mainstream news? Why weren’t other marginalized communities standing in solidarity with us? I got a wake up call when a Black Woman told me she didn’t give a sh*t about my yellow tears when she was asked about the rising racist rhetoric towards Asians. At first, I got visibly upset, but soon realized she was right. Why should she? Afterall, I myself had only just recently started to really care. I realized that nothing was happening because our own Asian American communities barely cared. Why should others if we can’t stand up and speak out for our own people? Why should others if we don't openly stand in solidarity when they need us?

We have to be willing to put in the work and identify then unlearn our own racial prejudices. This is why I specifically advocate anti-racism firstly to, and then for Asian Americans.

Many of us are quick to forget that it was the work of Black activists during the Civil Rights Movement that allows us to be here today and we wouldn’t enjoy the privileges we have now if it weren’t for those people. It truly starts with knowing the real history of Asian Americans and how our place in society has come to be. For anyone that would love to learn more, PBS has a wonderful film called Asian Americans that’s helped me significantly in understanding some sense of identity in being Asian American. 

There are AAPI organizations that are always looking for volunteers and sometimes provide paying jobs to help. I encourage Asian Americans who speak more than one language to look for these opportunities to help educate and uplift those whose first language is not English. Though I speak Korean, I am not familiar with political terms and that’s okay! Once you begin to speak to someone and they see that you’re investing your time into them, it becomes a shared learning experience and it gets easier as you continue to do so. 

Why do you think there is a lack of solidarity between marginalized communities, and how can we lessen the gap, so to speak?

I think there’s a lack of solidarity between marginalized communities because it works in the favor of some to see us argue with each other rather than rally together in solidarity and stand up against those in power- which have historically been straight, rich, white men who have put in place the systems of oppression we’ve seen throughout history and today. Specifically with Asian Americans, I think we are much like the Asian police officer Tu Thao, who stood by and watched Derek Chauvin murder George FLoyd; willfully ignorant and painstakingly silent. The Model Minority Myth was created specifically so that the Civil Rights Movement could be discredited by showing Asian Americans being successful because we are submissive, hard working, educated, and don't complain. This gives the false notion that people of other ethnic backgrounds are not and therefore pits us against each other while simultaneously keeping Asian Americans quiet. I think we can lessen the gap by educating ourselves and those around us after listening to different voices from different marginalized communities.

It’s literally my dream to see all marginalized communities come together in solidarity and demand and institute long overdue change. 

Further, one of your visions is to see Asian Americans break the stereotypes in the beauty industry (and beyond). 

Absolutely!! When Youtube was relatively new, I watched Asian American youtubers who eventually befriended one another and built a creative community in California. As far as the South goes, there was no sense of a strong Asian American team of creatives breaking every day stereotypes let alone in the beauty industry together. However, I think we’re headed towards the right direction and am very hopeful! It’s so important for the next person interested in the beauty world to feel included and have someone they can personally relate to. The more stereotypes we break together, the more we have control in how we want our stories told instead of through the lens of someone who does not know or care to accurately represent Asian Americans. 

Something I’ve been thinking a lot about over the last few months is the notion that celebrating differences should be more of an instinct, or second nature, rather than a once in a blue moon type of thing. Yet, at the same time, we’re so much more alike than we think, and our differences don’t have to create divisions. What do you think?

I agree with you. When it comes down to it, it’s not about the individual experience as much as it is about the voices of collective experience. We share much of the same struggles and stories under the same corrupt system, yet there’s still a large disconnect.

That being said, what is something that, regardless of differences, everyone should know how to do?

Everyone should know how to think for themselves. In a time where misinformation is spread so easily, I think everyone should know, regardless of differences, how to conduct a process in forming their own thoughts and opinions. This includes looking into multiple different sources so that you can see information from all angles. It’s important for all of us to progress as people to agree on certain factual realities and work from there. If we are constantly going back and forth about what’s right and what’s wrong, it will be hard to move forward as a whole. This easily bleeds into the quality of our education system, but I digress. 

So much of what you do is about presence and how someone presents themselves to the world. You use your platform to speak up about anti-racism and diversity. We’re seeing this conversation grow and grow, and the idea of being an activist seems to be more accessible lately - there’s so much that anyone can do to get involved and do their part. And it’s not just about whether or not we can be an activist, but that we all should be, right?

Exactly. Technology has made it so much easier for anyone to advocate and we should all be using whatever tools we have to speak up. If we do not come together and seriously demand for structural change, who will do it? And if we do not demand it now, when is a good time? It is in the best interest of everyone to be an activist- it starts with us and how we hold ourselves and those around usd accountable.

What does it mean to be an activist, particularly in 2020?

I want to knock the notion that you have to know everything about particular issues and be an outstanding perfect human to advocate. Don’t feel like you have to know everything about a problem to be able to speak about something needing change. Learning and activism are not mutually exclusive. I think the best type of activists are the ones that are constantly challenging themselves to learn and understand.

When it comes to activism, what is something that we can all do?

When it comes to activism, something we can do is listen and seek out the perspectives of others. The most effective thing we can do sometimes is to just shut up and listen. To give an open ear allows for us to connect on a human level with others. This helps us build empathy and understanding. From there, use your voice to advocate for those who do not have one. 

What are your thoughts on the idea of performative racism, or speaking up just on social media, versus in real life? For me, I think that every little bit counts, but then you run into tricky territory when you think about how genuine someone is about something, or whether or not they’re doing it because everyone else is.

You’re asking all the loaded questions! Performative activism is so difficult to call out because we don’t really know who is being genuine and who isn’t. We’re not going to go around and ask each person what they have done or what they’re currently doing to support currently advocated issues. I also think focusing too much on deciding whether someone’s activism is performative or not does not benefit the bigger picture we are working towards and can take away from finding actual solutions with progressive discussions. That being said, it definitely exists and it is so counterproductive. I think it contributes to how real social and political issues get swept under a rug and becomes a mere trend. This is one of many reasons I chose not to participate in the black out trend on Instagram. At the same time, I am glad that we are even talking about anti-racism in the way that we are so I see performative activism as more of a side effect of the fight to dismantle systemic racism. If that makes any sense. I want to give the benefit of the doubt to those who are speaking up only on social media. I encourage everyone to take it a step further and challenge yourself to speak up in real life as well if you have not been. If you’re comfortable with just advocating on social media, make sure what you’re sharing is not just surface level and all I can hope is that you stay consistent in what you share and how you feel. Lastly, I hope those who choose to only speak up on social media are researching and educating themselves in their own time. 

Is activism on social media valid, or important, or perhaps more secondary? Or should people focus more on what they’re doing in real life - whether it’s attending protests, signing petitions, or having big conversations with other people?

I am so big on focusing more on what you’re doing in real life. Social media activism is an important part of the work that needs to be done, but it should not stop there. I think in 2020, social media activism is the bare minimum. Get involved in your communities whether it be through donating, attending protests, jail support, signing petitions, sharing resources, volunteer work, or having real conversations with other people. There are different ways you can help and help is always needed. 

Speaking of activism, the election is coming up, and you’ve been really active about encouraging your followers to vote. If you don’t mind me asking, why are you voting? 

I didn’t vote in 2016 because I believed my vote didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Although I am still unsure, I am determined to try. What is the point in criticizing the policies that are put in place if we don’t take the first step and vote locally? Voting shouldn’t be the end all be all. Rather it should be about using your privilege and exercising your right first and foremost.

When I think about it, I want Asian American voices to be a part of American policies, but if every Asian American believed that their vote didn’t count and in turn, didn’t vote like I did, how do we expect to see and have fair AAPI representation?

The reality is that we have been living in decades of built up voter suppression and I think this is the election to put your words where your mouth is about voting. Please, use the privileges our parents risked everything for to give us. Use the rights fallen activists worked so hard to give us. It is up to the collective effort of the people. Our work does not stop on November 3rd. 

My parents talked to me a lot about the privilege of using your voice, and how much power one vote has. Some people question whether their vote counts - would you agree that every single vote matters and makes a difference?

It’s interesting that you say your parents talked to you a lot about the privilege of using your voice and that’s amazing. My parents never spoke with my sisters and I of the importance of voting. I think a lot of factors play in the reasons why they didn’t and we are seeing the consequences of that today across the country. It’s not the fault of our parents, but the fault of our government and how both sides have failed us. Oftentimes lower income BIPOC communities (lower income white communities included as well) are too busy surviving to give a second thought about how these policies in place are really affecting them. If voting can change that and we can give people the knowledge and resources to make an educated vote and have the means to exercise that vote, that is enough for me. With the reality of how bad voter suppression is here in Georgia, it makes it really hard for me to say that every single vote matters. A prime example is to look at how our imcompetent governor became Georgia’s governor. Seeing corruption at this level can make anyone lose trust in our election process because time and time again, we’ve seen money hungry politicians win. Where do we draw the line and how do we hold these people with endless amounts of money accountable by the law if we’ve seen that the law is not always for us?

I personally believe the media plays a role in this, but it seems like political divisions are dividing the country more than they ever have before. Many people would argue that everything goes back to politics, so you can’t not be political, or it’s an exercise of privilege to play that card. And yet, looking back on times like 9/11 that brought the country together as Americans, I’m not sure how likely such unity is to happen again. Thinking about how divided things seem to be now, can we agree to disagree? Can Americans come together again?

I believe the media plays a role in the division of the country by pulling on the heartstrings of people with different political views with malicious intent. Lack of leadership and promoting vile rhetoric through the use of media is what I believe also contributes to our division. We as a society as a whole have become more selfish and personal gain is what’s important for many. Politics at the end of the day is what rolls out the policies that directly affect the working class and more so for minorities so I also agree that everything goes back to politics. Although personally, I’m a little more radical in the fact that I would like to see a complete reform in the foundation of our institutions, I am all for trying everything we can first before taking the next step whatever it may be. These policies take a toll on our quality of life and we must make sure that we elect those that will at the very LEAST respect and understand what it means to be an everyday American in the working class. We are after all, what made this country. 

Regardless of the results in November, what would you say to all Americans in a post-election country?

We have much more work to do post-election. Regardless of the results, it is imperative we keep pushing the momentum so that we do not end up repeating history. What I fear most is that Americans will lose hope and give up. We are in the midst of the most important movement that emcompasses every aspect of our lives right now and what we do in this moment determines how we decide we want our generation and future generations to live. 

Lastly, what does it mean to be an American?

I think being American means to have the freedom to criticise our government, to hold them accountable, and move towards a better society. Being American means to be able to freely live your truth without imposing your truths on to others. Being American means to know and acknowledge our past first and find solutions together so that leaders like our current one do not reach such a position ever again. Being American means accepting that we are the most diverse country and finding ways to celebrate our differences and find common ground in our stories. Being American means uplifting and helping others. Being American means being selfless. Being American is choosing people over profit. Today, I am ashamed to be an American.

I want to be a part of restoring what it truly means to be a proud American and I plan on dedicating my life to do just that. 

seven questions with tori bae:

I can’t go a day without… sunscreen!

Everyone should see... Asian Americans on PBS and The Trial of the Chicago 7 (with of course researching the actual events)

Life is better with a little… kindness 

Everyone in their 20s should… travel

One insider thing to do in Atlanta… support local artists!!!!

What the world needs right now is… empathy

One way to spread love is… to listen.

Follow Tori Bae on Instagram and Facebook. Check out her portfolio and inquire about a booking with her here.