life as an essential worker during the COVID-19 pandemic with Carson Wight

meet carson,

an essential worker. Carson has been a friendly face for a while now, but it wasn’t until the pandemic hit that we really started connecting - not only because he was one of the few people i was seeing outside of my household on a regular basis, but because Carson makes an effort to get to know everyone who passes through his line.

Carson is living proof that being ambitious and kind aren’t mutually exclusive, and the world truly needs more people like him in it.

i can’t imagine what it has been like working in a grocery store day in and day out during this time, and i have the utmost respect for Carson. it’s a true honor to share this conversation with you, and i hope that it reminds you to see the humanity in everyone you come across, especially the essential workers - pandemic or not.

So a fun fact as we get started is that I met you at the grocery store, where you work, but over the past year or so, we have become friendlier. It’s more than an errand or a get-in, get-out kind of thing. You are so warm and kind to everyone, and we’ve developed a little bit of a friendship. When I decided to talk to people about their experiences regarding the pandemic, you were one of the first who came to mind because you’ve worked the whole time in a truly essential business. And no matter how chaotic or crazy it got, you were still engaging and compassionate to those around you. 

I appreciate that. When I’m there, I just know that it is – especially now – a stressful time for people. And with me, I have always been a people person. I do really like interacting with others. It’s kind of fun, just to be myself and do whatever I can down there to benefit others. I like being myself when I’m down there. I do feel like I make a lot of friends with customers. And it’s nice; it’s not just like, okay, get in and get out, you’re on your way. Obviously, I have my moments when I’m like that, and a lot of my co-workers do that, but it’s just so much easier to be friendly. No one wants to have a really toxic or a really negative interaction. Whether it’s with someone who works in retail or in a grocery store, or just anyone in general. It’s not fun to see so I want to change that. That’s why I enjoy working where I work. 

And what you do goes so far beyond manners. It’s easy for someone raised to be polite, but you really do treat people like they’re your friends. You make sure people feel seen. You mention that you’ve always been outgoing, but have you always been that person that can just make friends with anybody? 

For the most part, yes. For all four years of high school, I was in a music ensemble. It wasn’t just a music class; it was very collective as a whole. Three of my friends and I were all club officers for both the class and the club, and we worked directly with our teacher regarding certain situations. We also had to do some public speaking at some of the events that we hosted. These situations really taught me how to interact with others. Additionally, I found it very easy to do that because I was raised by older parents, and I have spent lots of time with older family members. I’ve just known how to “talk” to people from a young age. Being able to do it at Albertsons for four years now, it’s really nice. I’ve definitely learned a lot about working with others. This includes not only my co-workers, but also working with the customers, too. It’s not just like providing them with a service. I’m the one making sure that they’re not being charged and that we’re having a good conversation. I want them to not dread coming to the grocery store. I feel like I’m not just a checker. I will hear a lot of things from them. I hear divorce stories, family drama, things like that. So it’s definitely beyond just having good manners, like you said. It’s something I like doing. 

I think back on the earlier days of the pandemic because everyone was on edge. You saw the panic buying firsthand and it’s heartbreaking when someone goes to buy groceries and there’s nothing left. You really saw people, even before the pandemic, at their most vulnerable.

That’s a really good way to put it. I do see a lot of vulnerability with customers. I see them every week, so I hear that vulnerability first-hand. I don’t want to call it an “update”, but we will catch up on something we left off on from last week and it really sucks when something bad happens to them because I feel like I know them in a certain way. There are a few customers I see daily, so I know their work schedules and what they’re going to do for someone’s birthday. It’s very intimate. 

Even on your best days, you do see some people who are in a bad mood or who take a bad day out on you. How do you stay resilient and not let it affect you?

Whenever there’s someone really negative or toxic, I pick up on the vibes that they’re putting out, like there’s something that tells me, “I just have to get them in and out. It’s nothing personal.” Obviously I’m going to be nice to them; I don’t want to change that, but if they’re not giving me responses when I’m asking them questions or if they’re giving me an attitude, there’s nothing I can do. As soon as I give them the receipt and they walk off, I’m like, “Okay, I’m not gonna see them again.” I have a fairly thick skin and I’m not worried about what they do or don’t say to me because I know I have so many other people that I get good energy from. But I don’t think too much about the bad interactions. I just think how lucky I am to be able to work.

It’s the 1% that sometimes wears on you, and then the 99% of the people that like you are the ones that you don’t really think about. But I’m trying to work on thinking more about the 99% instead of just that 1%, you know?

That goes hand in hand with the idea that you can have nine people say a compliment to you, but the one person that critiques you sticks with you even longer. Our minds are biased towards that, somehow.

I can agree with that. I had a customer tell me this past weekend that I was useless. And I didn’t really know how to respond. I just said, “Oh, okay.” I don’t really worry too much about it because you know, obviously they’re going through something or they’re just that way, in general. I can’t really change that. I’m just there to scan their stuff and process the transaction. And if they don’t want to have a conversation or they don’t see my worth, then that’s okay. I really can’t do anything to change that perception. 

I think what people fail to recognize is that you can have a bad day, too. Your life is not what you do. Things can happen before your shift, or you can get a bad night’s sleep. You’re balancing school, work, and your own personal life. Part of your job is to rise above it, and like you said, it’s just true to your personality, but you have a lot on your plate, too.

I definitely do. For example, earlier this summer, I was working and both of my parents were out of town. They were on a two-week long trip. And when I was at work, I got a call from my mom saying that I needed to get home as soon as possible, and I was like, “Well, why do I need to leave work?” I was in the middle of checking, in the middle of a conversation with a customer and I was on one of the phones in the checkstand; I was pretty busy. Basically, what happened was my grandma needed to go to the hospital, so I had to leave work and take her there. I stayed up the whole night, just to make sure that everything was okay, and then I showed up to work the next day at 6am to make sure they weren’t behind, or that they weren’t short people. I like to think that what I do is important to them. I’m not the type of person to call out unless I absolutely need to. I want to be there and I want to help. It’s stuff like that. It’s super important, so even though there are things that are on my mind, I don’t really show it. I try to differentiate work life from personal life. I get through what I can, I try to enjoy myself when I’m there, and then I come home to decompress.  

Right. You’re also studying hospitality right now, so you see things like customer service from different perspectives. I would love to get your insight on this because I think there’s a fine line between good customer service and mutual respect. What goes through your mind when you see or experience things like people becoming belligerent when they’re told they need to wear a mask? There’s the phrase ‘the customer is always right’ but the customer needs to demonstrate human decency. 

Oh, absolutely. I have so many stories, but definitely there is a time where you do have to stand up for yourself. Obviously everyone that I work with, we all want to be as kind and as efficient as possible. Sometimes customers don’t allow us to be like that. I have been pretty irritated before but I don’t really show it. Earlier in the pandemic - I think a month or two into lockdown - we weren’t even accepting returns, just because people could buy things and return them when there wasn’t demand. This was company policy at the time. And this one lady wanted to return some lotion. I was telling her, “I’m so sorry. I definitely would if I was allowed to, but I’m told we’re not allowed to accept returns at this time. If you hold onto it a few more weeks, bring it back and let’s figure it out then.” Unfortunately, she didn’t like that answer. So when I turned around, and as I was still finishing her order, she chucked the lotion at my face. That wasn’t very fun, but luckily, I have a manager who stands up for not only herself, but for me and all of my other co-workers. And she threw it right back in the lady’s cart. She told her, “You don’t throw anything. You don’t disrespect anybody here like that.” 

I want to be as kind as possible because I really don’t want to end up on a viral video. I don’t want to lose my job. That’s not me.

I want to be the best that I can be, do what I can, and if someone has an issue, then that’s what the managers are for. It’s super crazy. 

I think people in general have more sympathy towards essential workers during the pandemic, but the media can manipulate it and turn you against a company, too. That’s scary to me.

I think so, too. And it’s happened so many times. Our store doesn’t exactly follow the coronavirus guidelines. A lot of other grocery stores in the surrounding area that I’ve been to have instituted a lot of COVID safety precautions. For example, the other stores within our chain have everyone queue in a long line before the checkstands (socially distanced, of course) and then there’s a TV screen that tells you which check stand to go to after a customer leaves. Unfortunately a lot of people in this town don’t really like that, so our store decided not to institute that measure because they didn’t want bad publicity or backlash from the members of this town because they had to wait in line. They just allow people to do whatever they want, whether they wear a mask or not. So, it’s kind of interesting how that worked out. 

How does that make you feel? Because you’re putting it on the line to show up every day, and you’re expected to follow your protocols and you’re taking as many precautions as you can. 

It really is frustrating because people just come in and they don’t care. They don’t wear masks. Some of my coworkers don’t really enforce it because customers can be very hostile and extremely rude. I’ve been cussed out before for asking someone to just adjust their mask or put it on. It’s really kind of shocking to see that we’re at this point. And it is frustrating, too, because I have so many co-workers that are sick from COVID and are on leave. We’re not getting any more hazard pay, either, so that’s really frustrating as well. The company made us sign a contract on the first of January saying that we have to acknowledge that we’re essential workers and we have to work. So, we’re coming in no matter what. And it’s disappointing because our customers come in and they don’t really care, but here we are, trying to make sure that they’re fed, and the least that they can do is just follow the guidelines. Just put on a mask and be respectful. I’ve worn a mask for almost eleven months and it’s super normal to me. If I can do it for eight hours, then someone could go in there for five or ten minutes with one on. It is not that big of a deal. But they don’t do that. And it’s really hard to be able to deal with that kind of behavior. 

We’re seeing such a weird cycle. It started out as seeing essential workers before as “staff,” like an employee, you know? And then at the beginning of the pandemic, people were like, “You’re heroes. You’re risking your lives. You’re on the frontlines and you’re doing things I could never do.” With some people now, they fail to see is that you have a family to come home to, and you’re trying to keep them safe. Some people just don’t care and it’s sad that it seems like the companies don’t, either. 

A lot of them don’t. What’s crazy is that large grocery chains (including the one I work for) have seen the largest sales increases in, I think, their company histories. They’ve made so much money, but they don’t care a lot about the employees. Because we’re not really compensated enough. There’s a checker that’s been there for well over ten years and she makes close to what I make, and I’ve been there for four. It’s so confusing how that works, especially during a pandemic when we’re all there and we have to make sure that we’re safe. We have to make sure that we’re not in too much contact with each other, but it’s kind of hard to do that. Like, you really have to put all that aside and just make sure you’re on your A-game for your job, and be as kind and empathetic with people as possible even with the situation that we are in. 

Yet people see how things inconvenience them, rather than the thought that someone might be really sick. They’re like, “Starbucks has to close down again.”

For sure. I have heard that at least every day whenever they were closed. And I can understand why they were closed. It’s a small space that they work in. Same with us; there are a lot of employees that are in close contact when we work, but why don’t we close the store to sanitize or deep clean? I don’t understand that. So many of us have gotten sick, but we don’t close. It’s just interesting how all that works, because large companies just want to be able to make money and customers want to be able to just come in whenever they want. I mean, it’s just how it goes.

What does it mean to be an essential worker?

To me, an essential worker is someone who knows the risks at hand and despite those risks, they still show up and work. They put a lot of things aside to be able to help out when they can and they make sure they’re present. It’s so important. What I do is definitely not as significant as what nurses, doctors, and other medical staff do - they’re on a whole other level of awesomeness and dedication. What my coworkers and I do is important; just in a different way. We’re dealing with a lot of hostile people for the entirety of our day. We’re also dealing with our own struggles in our day-to-day lives. It’s principal to be able to work, do our job, and not really focus on any of the negatives, even though there’s so much negativity surrounding the store, the community, and the internet. We put all of that on hold and we make sure we don’t focus on any of that.

That’s what being an essential worker is: you know what you have to do and you do it. 

As someone who is studying hospitality, has this experience changed what you want to do in the future?

I would say so, yes. Especially after this and being pretty much burnt out for almost a year now, I’m still going to get my major in hospitality, but I want to be able to work in the back-end of a company. I’ve done so much customer service. I’ve kind of realized maybe that’s not the type of work I want to do. I still want to work with people, but just in a different way. I gained vast amounts of knowledge about being efficient, keeping a positive attitude, and working with people as a whole. I am beyond grateful for my time at my company. 

That’s a really insightful observation. I do want to say that no matter what you study or what you do, you aren’t defined by it. You are so much more than your job or any label or title. Something I’ve come to learn and really admire about you is that you have such a strong sense of who you are and who you aren’t. You know your strengths, your weaknesses, what you like, and what you don’t – and you’re not hesitant to voice it. You not only have self-acceptance and self-awareness, but true self-confidence. Where does that come from? 

I don’t know where my confidence comes from. I just make sure that I just do me. It’s just who I am. I don’t really see myself as confident; I just see myself as someone who just does their job and does it to the best of their ability. I also don’t see myself as a leader per say or strong-willed. I just want to get things done and be able to achieve things.  

Speaking of goals, let’s talk about how you realized you were burnt out and got to the point of deciding, “Okay, I need to take time off and put myself first.” 

Definitely. My first feeling of burnout began in mid-June and lasted through all of July. I had just learned that I would have to do another semester of school and I wouldn’t be able to transfer to the university in the year that I wanted to. I knew I had to do a lot more at school and I had to work on top of that. Then, COVID happened. It was really stressful and not only that, but I was trying to figure out family issues, because unfortunately, I’ve had family members pass away. And then there were things going on between my friends and I. So it was a whole mess of trying to figure things out. And finally I was like, “You know what, I just need to take a break.” I decided that I would take ten days off of work to go on a big road trip. I went with one of my friends from high school. We had the best time! Going out and being in a different environment away made me feel so content. Being away from all of the negativity, toxicity, and all the crazy stuff that was happening where we live… it was just so freeing. I think being able to recognize that you need self-care or that you need a break is so important because if you don’t do that, you’re just being hard on yourself. And even after my trip in August, I was like, “When am I going to do the next one?” I know I do need to take breaks. I know I need something to work for or look forward to, if that makes sense. 

In between those trips, do you have a routine or things you do on a regular basis just for you?  

I started doing something a couple of summers ago. I just decided out of the blue, I was like, “What if I started running?” That was very unlike me to do, but since then, I’ve gotten into this routine, where I drive to the beach and I run maybe five or six miles and do mini workouts on my route. I developed somewhat of a “schedule” because I’d have college for two days a week, so I’d make myself drive from there to the beach. It was totally different from the exhausting repetition of work that I have. But even after COVID happened, I still try to go to the beach. I try to organize things in my house. I try to go on day trips, or just treat myself with better skincare. Anything that makes me happy, I’ll try to do it. 

It’s like one of those things where we grew up thinking, “Save it for a rainy day,” but you could do something every day or every week. There’s no real reason not to.

It doesn’t even have to be expensive. Some of my best self-care has been just cooking or baking something. I’m like, “Yup, I did that. I feel accomplished.” And it’s nice being able to accomplish something or do something for yourself. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant as long as you’re doing something that makes you happy. Obviously we need our off days if we’re super tired and we just want to stay inside and just, binge watch a show. Sometimes I’ll do that.  

How do you deal with uncertainty?

I try not to think about it. When my customers bring up something they’ve heard on the news, I’m like, “You know what, I don’t really pay attention to that because I don’t want to be in a bad mindset.” And there is a lot of uncertainty that is going on, not just in our state but the whole country and even the whole world. I try to focus on what I do, what I can accomplish, or how I can do my part to make things better. There is a lot of uncertainty but if you dwell on that, then that’s what’s only going to make you more negative and more depressed. 

Do you think we maybe have a responsibility to find the balance between staying informed and being all-consumed, maybe to ourselves, or to our loved ones? Because like you said, our energy affects other people. We have to know what is going on; there’s no excuse for being in the dark, but do you think there can be an appropriate medium?

Oh, absolutely. I started this a couple of years ago, where I open up my phone every morning when I wake up and give myself maybe five or ten minutes of browsing news articles, and then that’s it for the day. I’m not going to spend most of my day just checking the news because how disappointing is that? It’s so depressing and at that point, you’re not even informed. You’re just paranoid or you’re being manipulated. That’s not fun. I want to be able to be informed. Being informed, in my opinion, is knowing what is going on and getting the story from different angles, but not becoming too immersed in it. That’s what I try to do.

That’s really powerful. What does a day in your life look like?

My schedule is so uncertain. Sometimes I’ll get a text at 10pm for me to come in at 6am and I’ll show up. But usually on my off days, I let myself sleep in. I make sure that I have time for myself and I relax. Right now I’m trying to edit photos from past trips and I find peace in that. Or I’ll spend time with my grandma if she needs help. And then at night, I’ll take a nice warm shower. I try to separate work from home because it can be so draining where I work. When I’m home, I view it as my safe space. 

One thing I have to say is you make so many people feel so special on a daily basis. I’ll see other people waiting in line and all of a sudden they go from staring at their phone to their face lights up and they’re so excited to see you. When we were funneled into lines, I’ve never known people to be more gracious and say, “Oh no, go ahead of me,” because we were all trying to get in your line. What makes you feel special? 

When people are kind to me, it’s just so rewarding. It’s nice because I couldn’t imagine just being negative all the time, leaving a bad taste in people’s mouths. I would not want to do that whatsoever. Plus, it makes me feel like I’m doing my job right. When people come through my line or they tell me, “Oh yeah, people tried to get me to go into another line but I said, ‘No, I’m waiting for Carson.’” That’s so cool and I appreciate it, but you don’t have to wait for me. Sometimes my line can be long and I feel bad when people wait. And the people who do choose to wait for me, they’re not just “any regular customer”. I don’t want to refer to them as that. Like, it’s something more, you know? You just remember those people who are kind and care about you a lot more than anyone else. It’s really rewarding. 

One of the biggest takeaways I’ve learned from you and my time getting to know you is that making friends, as hard as it is, it doesn’t have to be that hard or super out of your way. It’s easy to make friends in school and then when you’re not in school, I think you get in your head and you’re like, “It’s so hard to make friends,” or you see people in movies pass notes or they meet on a plane and it’s like perfect. But you can find friends anywhere. 

Absolutely. You really just don’t know who you will meet. One of my closest friends, we just happened to meet in Spanish class. And I’m not saying we paid attention in Spanish class, but it was just like, you really don’t know unless you just start talking to someone. And it’s nice. You don’t have to force a conversation; it could just be who you wound up sitting next to or like you said, standing next to in that case. My job is really cool because I get to interact with so many people and I’m well past that “customer” type of feeling. It’s very different. A lot of my co-workers and managers are like, “Why does everybody come through your line?” And I‘m like, “I don’t know!” I just try to be a good person. When I put out good energy, usually it’s reciprocated. You don’t know who’s gonna be your friend; you never know.

That being said, what is something everyone should know how to do? 

This is more than one thing. Having an open mind or an open heart is the first thing because you don’t know what anybody is going through; especially now. Everybody for the most part is on edge because of the pandemic, and it’s completely understandable. You want to be kind and you want to be open to their situation. The other thing is that people should know how to have good communication skills. I’m not sure how to describe it, but just being able to talk to people (I’m using “talk” as a broad term) is important – especially because we’re really not supposed to be out in public. So, if you know how to talk to people when you can’t see them in person, like on the phone or even through writing letters, that’s something that you’ll carry with you for the rest of your life.  

We’ve seen it get worse, but I think last March is probably the time we’ll identify as the time of the most uncertainty.  

Things really were uncertain. Last March, when everything happened and all hell broke loose, I remember it was raining. The parking lot was completely full when I pulled up and I had to park on the other side of the shopping center and hustle in. It was just a crazy shift; every checkstand was open, every cart was full, and some customers waited 45 minutes to check out. Normally I work 6-3’s or 7-4’s, but I just so happened to work 12-9 that day and I had no idea what was in store. I walked in a few minutes late actually, because I couldn’t even find a parking spot. There were so many people on edge because the schools had closed, and they were panic buying. So yes, there was a lot of uncertainty and a lot of craziness. I worked like eleven hours that day, and I had to be back, I think, at 6am and I worked till 5pm the next day. It was insane.

Side note – from someone who has witnessed it all, what are your thoughts on the panic buying? 

I do think that some people were going overkill with the things that they were buying. It was frustrating when we didn’t have certain things in stock that I know people in sensitive groups needed – like those who are older and immunocompromised. They can’t really be in larger crowds because they can have a higher risk of getting sick. And when we didn’t have those things, it was disappointing, but I think we’re in a better place now. Well, I don’t want to jinx that, so I’m knocking on wood.

Me too. What will you think when you look back on COVID-19?

I’m definitely going to think back and view this as a learning experience, especially for people who work service or retail jobs. I think a lot of us were really put to the test because we had to work with so many people, put up with the conditions around us, and the hostility of others. It was very strange. I’m going to think back and say, “Wow, we really did this and we did what we had to do.” It’s super important to give those essential workers recognition. The fact that we have had the opportunity to work the whole time, obviously, we were very, very lucky – I know a lot of people who weren’t as fortunate as I was to work and I feel for them. But being able to do what we did, it wasn’t all easy.

I want people to know that it was hard. It was really difficult to be able to deal with the limits on certain items, having to mask up, make sure that everyone is safe, and that we kept everything efficient and organized. It was a lot of work. 

What has COVID-19 taught you about yourself? 

It’s taught me to not burn myself out, which is super important. I never used to worry about how much I work, whether it is in school, at work, or at home. But with all the craziness now, the pandemic has really taught me that you do need self-care. Another thing that COVID has taught me is being able to have compassion and empathy for certain situations. Things are obviously very different now and I think they’re going to be that way for a long time, but it’s just a lot of, like, “Okay, this is just how it’s gonna be from here on out.” It’s paramount to have respect for businesses and people. 

seven questions with carson wight:

I can’t go a day without… Starbucks iced water. I get two or three of them every work shift (ask my coworkers). It’s part of my skincare routine and it makes me feel good. 

Everyone should listen to… Alina Baraz. She has helped me calm down the entire quarantine. I still listen to her to this day. I listened to her today. 

Life is better with a little… kindness.

Everyone in their 20s should… go on a road trip.

One insider thing to do in your city… go out for Mexican food. You won’t regret it. 

What the world needs right now is… inclusivity, unity, and understanding. 

One way to spread love is… by giving hugs and smiling. Even through your mask, smile through your eyes. 

Follow Carson on Instagram here.

Photo by Amanda Smith.