Tisha Alyn on coming out, overcoming self-doubt, and living your truth
Meet Tisha Alyn.
She’s an influencer, professional golfer, FItBit instructor, TopGolf rep, dancer, and content creator. you’ve seen her performing trick shots, interviewing Tiger Woods, and leading the LGBTQ+ community by sharing her truth. What you might not know is that leadership is not new to her - Tisha was my Senate President as part of high school leadership over ten years ago. I've been given the privilege of a unique vantage point as I've watched her career form over the past decade, and can truly say that it’s an honor to know her. You never know what your favorite influencer is really like behind the scenes, but I speak with my heart when I say that Tisha’s integrity is unquestionable and unwavering. As you'll read on, you’ll learn about the power of collaboration over competition, the journey towards self-acceptance, and what it means to be all-in. With plenty to be proud of already in her rear-view mirror, the future continues to look bright for Tisha and I can't wait to see what she does next.
I want to start at the crossroads of professional golf and social media. You were able to marry your background as an athlete with your broadcast journalism studies, and what sets you apart from others is your business mindset; you’re able to clearly communicate your value proposition. How did you know in your heart when to pivot away from pro golf and towards content creation?
I turned pro right out of college and my heart was very much in being a full-time competitive golfer. When social media first hit, I was very pessimistic towards it. I thought my talent was going to show its truth. But the reality was, my only means of making my career happen was to find help. In professional golf, you have to go out and find your own sponsors, your own money. You front everything and there was no way I was going to allow my family to do that. I had to find a way to do it myself. So alongside working on a golf course, I started using social media just to showcase my ability, my game. I didn't really know that I had that creative in me to do all these crazy things. It was an experiment. Like, what if maybe today I balance the ball? I've done that my whole life. I can do a little bit of tricks, what if I show that? It went well - major views, major followers. I've always enjoyed dancing; that's the second part of me. I wanted to be a dancer, but I was always a golfer. So I did the juju on the beat challenge. It went so viral; I grew immensely. That's how I started to gain a following, but no one knew if it was going to be sustainable. No one knew you could make money doing this. After I hit 4,000 followers, I had my first brand reach out to me saying "Hey can you wear our clothes?" I remember crying and being so grateful because it was one less thing I had to worry about. Eventually I got free clubs and places that wanted me to play at their place. It wasn't until 2018 that it felt like social media is clearly here to stay and I made the decision to put the bag down. I was very emotional about it because being a professional golfer was my identity. It was what I wanted my entire life. Going into social media, which still has a negative connotation, felt a little like, “Am I downgrading myself? Or am I not giving myself a real chance?” But I went with my gut. I had to ask myself, “What am I waking up and enjoying doing every day?” It wasn't the grind. I never turned back. I'm still technically a professional. I still keep up my ability, but I very much enjoy creating and the TV, the broadcast, the influencer, personality stuff. That's where I feel like my heart is at now. I'm very lucky I was able to hop in at the right time and combine all the things that I love and make it my job. It's taken so much hard work, but I wouldn't change it for the world.
Do you ever hit a creative lull?
Yeah. It definitely comes in bouts. What keeps me creative is the fact that there's a lot of pillars to what I do. I do trick shots and dancing. I'm also a Fitbit instructor. I'm a creator. I do appearances. I'm a member of the LGBTQ+ community, AAPI Community. There are a lot of different little facets and because there’s a lot of different pillars when I get burnt out doing one, I simply focus on another. It's really cool to have all these different platforms like TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter and whatnot because each platform’s function is so different. The way you deliver things are very different. The way I help facilitate burn out is by having multiple avenues and multiple passions.
That diversification speaks to your business strategy because you'll hear people talk about algorithms or what they can’t control, but you have so many bases covered that it may not be as big of a conversation as it is with others.
I think in any job, you want to have diversity. You want to have different pillars because burn out happens in so many different jobs. That's why people have different passions. I'm fortunate that I was able to make my passion my job and I was able to break it down into even more specific things to dodge burn out.
What does a day in your life look like?
Every day in my life is very different. If I were to speak in terms of days in my life as of this week, I'm an ambassador for Fitbit. I'm very excited about this partnership. I'm leaving for Fitbit tomorrow, so, my life as of the last few weeks has been heavy dieting, heavy training, memorizing choreography, creating choreography every day on top of creating and filming content. That's been my day to day: wake up. We fast in the morning. We train. We go over choreography. We have a meal. We create content. We do emails. Rest a little. Do it all again. Do some more work. And then repeat. But days in my life can be so different. One day I can be in Vegas interviewing Tiger Woods and creating a fun video with him and just being totally mind blown, and then the next day I could be home with my family eating take out. Days of my life are so different, but the one constant is working out. That keeps me sane.
Taking care of your mental health through all the changes, that's really important, too.
I was thinking about this because mental health is such a big conversation nowadays, right? But our generation missed the wave of watching over our mental health at a younger age. We're almost playing catch up. We're like, “Oh! That damage has been done. Now let's figure out how to fix this.” Because we were always told, “Suck it up! You got this!” Our parents didn't have the tools to tell us how to care about mental health. I have two younger brothers who are ten and thirteen years apart and I'm very close to them. It's very interesting watching them grow up. They're in high school and they're so woke! They’ll say if something is gonna affect their mental health. I was like, “I never said those words at your age, but you know what? You're right.” And especially with what I do, you have to know how to detach because the downside of social media is comparison. When you're young and growing up and all you see is other people living their best lives because everyone wants to put the best out there, it is damaging. I think I do a fairly good job of removing who I am and with what I do for work. I'm a very authentic person, though. When I came out publicly in 2019, that was the most emotional and one of the most monumental days of my life. I touched so many people and that was thanks to social media. I don't change or hide myself, but I try not to live in the numbers. At the end of the day, I take ownership in knowing that I created this.
In a way, the numbers create social proof, but knowing you on a personal level, the success speaks to the fact that you’re a good person with integrity. Influencing is about trust, and I can vouch that whatever you’re promoting, you use.
It's crazy because you’ve known me over ten years now. A lot has changed, yet the core values of me have not changed - the integrity, the honesty, the natural leadership cadence, and just wanting the best for other people. That has always been the forefront of everything that I lead.
I’ve witnessed how you lead and the progress you help create, but doing research for this, I was shocked by how conservative golf still is.
Fortunately, there has been so much positive change since I've come out. A lot of people within my community come to me raging, and I understand that feeling. But for me, the fact that we're progressing, I'll take that as a win. Golf has always been slightly behind whatever mainstream is. The fact of the matter is that golf has always been a man's game - more specifically, an older white man's game. That's just the culture of it. Luckily, through the pandemic there’s been a huge boom in our younger generation of golf, particularly with women and young girls. But when I came out, I wanted to shit myself. I planned that for a year. I just wanted to be authentic. I didn't want to force my narrative on people, but I also was hoping to change people's views, because I knew what I was up against. I was truly pushing a boulder uphill when I did it. When I came out, the amount of people who confidentially reached out to me saying that they were in the same boat… knowing that there's so many other people in a more comfortable space because I made a little impact by telling my truth, that's such a win for me. I'm glad that we're progressing in the right direction.
Definitely.
Being a female in a man's sport, a person of color, a part of the AAPI community and also being a part of the LGBTQ+ community, let me hit you with every possible thing that you can think of! I can confidently say that I have helped change that narrative because I've never changed who I was. I spoke out about who I am, but everything continued - the trick shots, the coverage, the talent continued. My looks maintained. It's just that I said a couple things, you know? I’ve received messages that say, “I didn't even know a gay woman in my life until I followed you.” I’m in California and I see it, but there are people who were never exposed. They just need to see it and my power is that I get to touch people that may not have that actual like in person interaction because they follow me. It's been a roller coaster.
I cried. It was one of those things where I watched it after knowing how the story ends, but hearing you retell it was difficult.
Isn't that wild? Because you've known me since high school, and I talk about my high school sweetheart who you knew. It wasn't an easy narrative but I'm so grateful that everything turned out the way it was meant to be. I'm truly living my truth. I've had quite a few people ask, “Why did you come out? Why can't you just be?” And I was like, “if you only lived a day in my shoes, you’d understand that I could not just be.” My family and the people around me were not the most supportive from the jump because they were not around that kind of culture. This was new. Being Filipino, being traditional, being religious, we weren't exposed to this. I grew up in a very small town in Illinois before moving out to SoCal and I didn't even know another Asian girl, so how the hell am I gonna know what LGBTQ what? I didn't know any of that existed and so even though it was a very hard time, I was extremely understanding of the process it took for the people around me to accept me and to understand where I stood. So, no, I couldn't just be. I had to come out. I knew it was going to be a weight lifted off my shoulders if I came out - that's truly what drove me at the end. If anything changed in the last ten years, it’s that I like women. But besides that, the essence is the same.
Knowing you from way back when, anytime I see someone from high school come out, I question if I played a role in someone not feeling comfortable living their truth then.
I've had quite a few high school friends reach out to me when I did come out saying how proud they are of me, or saying exactly what you said, “Did I provide an environment where you weren't comfortable to be this way?” I just genuinely didn't know. Long story short, a woman came into my life and I didn't expect to feel anything and I remember trying to push it off for the longest time. But you know when you like someone. That's when I was like, “Oh snap. Ok. This is real. This is happening.” So much has changed since I've come out and I can’t imagine generations before what coming out was like. I was very fortunate to have a special moment for me.
High school was four years and that's a really short period of time, even if it doesn't feel like it. It's been almost three years since you posted that video coming out. What would you go back and tell yourself?
This is going to be the most freeing, happy feeling of your life. All the fears that you have, you can put it away, darlin'. You're going to be just fine. Everything is going to work out in your favor because of this moment for you. I partly came out because if I had someone that looked like me and did what I did, that would have changed everything for me. It would have cut down my doubt. It would have made me have more self-belief. It would have made me question myself a lot less. I would always ask myself, “What's wrong with me?” Because there were no examples at the time, especially in the golf world. That was a very big driving factor.
Living your truth within the golf world has facilitated a lot of honest conversation, and I want people to know that so much of that is you - you have a talent for creating community wherever you go. Especially with golf, and it’s an individual sport.
You grind and work extremely hard being by yourself, and it can be a very lonely game. My mentality when I was playing professionally was, “If I'm going to be alone, why can't I do this grind with other women who are also doing this grind? If I'm feeling lonely, I'm sure other women are feeling lonely. Let's travel together. Let's split a room together.” I'm all for befriending, being an alliance. I know sometimes it is hard to think of an individual game as a team sport, but I am nothing without my team. Without my agent, my manager, head of operations, videographer, my family, my world doesn't go round. They're my people. We gotta be one happy circle so that we can function best. Think about how we met - it was through leadership class. It was a community, even though we were all such different people. I've carried that kind of mentality through my career because you're nothing without your community. You're nothing without your family. What is a win if you don't have people on your side cheering you on? I am a huge collaborator versus becoming an enemy. If I can befriend someone, no matter how closely aligned our jobs can be, I will do that. I would rather grow with you and see what we can do together before choosing to go against each other because what good is that going to do? Life is already so hard; let's work together. That's what drives me. At the end of the day, I want to serve my people.
Totally. I was listening to a podcast episode a few years ago where someone was talking about going through a lean time and needing to learn to look within for validation because sometimes that external success is out of your control. What advice do you have for someone who might be dealing with self-doubt?
To be very honest, the pandemic literally flipped the world upside down. I was getting gigs, but the grind was so real because the truth of the matter is I wasn't the look. I wasn't it yet, and I was very aware of it. I was very accepting of it. I thought, “Let’s work harder. Let's be better at speaking. Let's be better at golf. Let's be better at creating. Whatever it is, I'll be better at it.” I truly believed that my time would come. But some casting calls that I’d see were so specific, I could never fit it. I'm very lucky that the reality of it is that the narrative has switched and I'm in a position where I get to control the narrative. I'm telling people ‘no’ now. The point of all that is that I very much understand what lean time is like. My advice would be to continue giving yourself all the attention that you need and building your tribe alongside that, whether that's your contacts, your community. Focus on yourself. Master your own craft and trust that your ability is going to shine through. If you're just chilling and nothing is changing, you're not improving, then I don't really have much advice for you there, if that's your mentality. I've always been such a firm believer that hard work truly does pay off. If you have hard work and talent combined, it's all going to come through for you. You gotta grind through the lean time.
You have such confidence and trust in yourself. Other people would want to go and change their looks rather than focus on their skills. That’s so admirable because that's not the norm.
Don't get me wrong, there were many times where I got very down on myself. It's very easy that part of my job is to be this strong, confident, alpha female, but there are definitely times where I've felt like, “Maybe this isn't it. Maybe I'm never gonna be the look. Maybe I'm just not enough.” It was my tribe and my community that would lift me up.
What is one thing everyone should know how to do?
Love yourself. I'm not the best at that either and I have to constantly remind myself. Whether you're going through the best part of your life, a hard time of your life, a trying part of your life, remember to love yourself first. If you can love yourself, then you can now give to everybody else.
You’ve always been a leader. You'll sometimes hear people oppose the term ‘role model’ because it’s a lot of pressure, but you’ve handled life with such grace. you’re my role model.
One of the sayings I've always told myself growing up is that pressure is a privilege and I think that's gotten me this far. If I'm living my truth, if I'm doing the best I can and I'm loving the people around me, helping where I can, then I can impact one person. Then you're a role model. It's whatever you define it as. So for me, it's not my goal; I just want to help as many people as I can. Give life to people who need it. Bring smiles to people who need it. And if I successfully do that, then that's what the title comes along with that.
To bring things full circle, Tisha Alyn, what does it mean to be all in?
To be all in is to be living your true most authentic best self, being completely fearless while doing it. I think the one thing that I've been able to do, and I haven't always made the right decision, but I've always been fearless when I've chosen to do something. I could be scared, but I'll still make the jump, I'll still take the leap because what is worse than staying put? What's the worst that can happen? Being all in is being completely fearless.
SEVEN QUESTIONS WITH TISHA ALYN
I can’t go a day without… coffee.
Everyone should listen to… Dua Lipa's album. I went to her concert not that long ago because she's also a Puma ambassador and we were in a commercial together. Watching it all in concert… her ability, her talent, all the songs, she's underrated.
Life is better with a little… a lotta love! Not a little, we need a lot! You gotta sprinkle a lot of love into everything you do.
Everyone in their 20s should… Try everything. Do it all. You want to travel? Travel. You want to be a chef? Be a chef. You want to leave the house? Leave the house. This is your time. Do it. Do the craziest thing. This is your time to mess up. This is your time to meet people. Just do it.
One thing to do in LA… hit up the new TopGolf El Segundo location and have the mac' n' cheese bites.
What the world needs right now is… positivity.
One way to make a difference is… by paying it forward. Like in high school, you gotta do a Random Act of Kindness. Every time you do a random act of kindness it's going to come back to you.
“I partly came out because if I had someone that looked like me and did what I did, that would have changed everything for me… There were no examples at the time, especially in the golf world. That was a very big driving factor.”